Questions build Understanding

The biggest challenge to any relationship is a statement, that sounds like a judgment. It is also important to note that it is more important to listen than to speak. Here are some points to ponder...  and to come to terms with:

Understanding improves relationships 

• How often have our conversations run into a roadblock, and then drifted into nothingness.... ? 
• Have you experienced a period of uneasy silence when someone said something that sounded like they had labelled you? 
• Isn't it true that each person has a viewpoint? Isn't it also true that many of those viewpoints do not agree with ours? How then do we figure out who is right... or do each of us just believe that we represent the truth, and that the other is not as smart as we are? 
• How often have we tried to understand, before trying to be understood? 
• Isn't it a fact, that we think we know exactly what is right... and more tragically... have we not realized that we are sometimes wrong? 

The source of most confrontations, and broken relationships ... is MISUNDERSTANDING. 

What can we do to have more UNDERSTANDING? 

Simple... 

Stop making statements. 
Statements only show what you 'know'. 

Start asking Better Questions.
Questions are the key to KNOW MORE!  

Consider the following options, and check which is a better - Making statements, or Asking Questions. Do also check how the meaning of the communication changes when we stress on the words in CAPS. 

You are ALWAYS LATE for meetings! 

Could we please arrive ON TIME for the meetings? 

You NEVER listen! 
How could we ensure that we LISTEN to each other? 

You ALWAYS think YOU are right! 
Do you believe you are right EVERY time? 

You oppose EVERY thing I say! 
Could you try to agree with me SOMETIMES? 

This relationship is a WASTE of time. 
How can we work towards a BETTER relationship? 
Is there something we can do to IMPROVE our relationship? 

You NEVER appreciate me. 
Do you think you could appreciate me ONCE in a WHILE? 

Just being aware that our statements could appear to be judgments could help us to use the more powerful alternative of asking questions. Also, when we pause and listen carefully to what the other person is REALLY saying... rather than trying to figure out how we could justify what we know... then, we should improve not only our ability to understand the other person better... but hopefully... we will also enhance the quality of our relationships. The trick here is to ask our inner voice to shut up... and to listen intently. 

Don't you think we all deserve better? Don't you think we could all be happier? 

Ian Faria. 

The Power of Friendliness

A flower can bloom alone, but a bunch is so much better.

A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world.Leo Buscaglia 

The quote by Leo Buscaglia is amazing... but that is not how the human psyche was programmed. It was programmed to connect, to stay connected... and to thrive from the connections. 

Man... by nature, is a social animal. He survives and thrives better when grouped with others.  

Unfortunately, with a world that is racing to achieve success, it is breaking the speed limits and it is forgetting the purpose of the journey. Man, is slowly forgetting that it is in his DNA to be connected to each other. 

Can we do something to get back to our inherent nature? 

Can we learn to be friendly? 

While waiting at a rather small and insignificant airport, which did not even have a snack counter, let alone a book store, I made up my mind to study how people - who did not know each other - communicated. 

I was pleasantly surprised to see one gentleman who was in his early forties, who began his first conversation with another gentleman who was about the same age. This happened while they were waiting at the check in counter. The conversation started with a simple comment about how small the airport was, and how it was different from the other airports across India. It was apparent from the conversation that both of them were salesmen. They spoke louder than normal, and did not worry too much about whether others could hear them. When a couple of foreign tourists joined the line, they struck up a conversation with the lady - who seemed to be looking for some information. Pretty interesting! In less than two minutes, 4 people who were strangers were able to chat up as though they knew each other from some earlier meeting. 

As they checked in and waited to board the flight, other people also gravitated towards the 'friendly' people and soon there were at least another 4 additional people who intermittently joined into the conversation. Strangers had apparently shrugged off their Indian aloofness and had seemingly decided to explore casual, animated conversations. 

What makes people talk to strangers? 

My first submission is that a person needs a reasonably strong belief in SELF. People with a good level of Self Esteem are confident and can hold their own in most situations. These people are quick to make friends and do not hesitate to do so. 

Is it easy to make friends? 

Yes! it is really very easy. The trick is to start with 'small talk'. 

Do not speak about things that could be controversial or issues that could lead to a sticky situation. Speaking about the venue, the event, the surroundings, the weather... or ask for help or directions. These are great ways to open a conversation with someone. Of course it helps to have a pleasant smile... and a voice that sounds friendly. Maintaining eye contact - that is open and non-threatening - is ideal. 

Making friends is easy.. when you have the ability to break ice, and it gets easier with practice. Make up your mind to speak to two strangers every day, and soon you will be a pro at making friends. 

Here are some views that you can mull over: 

If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, sir, should keep his friendship in a constant repair.

Samuel Johnson 

Trouble is a sieve through which we sift our acquaintances. Those too big to pass through are our friends.
Arlene Francis 

Acquaintances become friends, and friends should last for a lifetime. 

I wish each of you a few thousand acquaintances and a few hundred friends. 

Ian Faria.