On a day to day basis, we blame people for MISUNDERSTANDING US. We are prone to passing the buck... as we surely know what we said... and we often wonder why people are deliberately trying to 'twist the message'.
While watching one of India's leading News Channels recently, I was appalled at the way the anchor was repeatedly heckling one of his guests on the channel. Whatever the guest said... the news anchor kept repeating his charge... almost trying to beat the guest into admitting some form of guilt. Expecting a TV News Anchor to listen effectively is normal. It is the anchor's professional role to establish exactly what is being stated. However, in real life, expecting ALL our listeners to understand every message is like expecting every cow to jump over the moon. It is never going to happen.
Are we then doomed to living a life where we take our chances on what our listeners hear?
Is it the responsibility of the speaker to ensure that his message reaches with little or no distortion?
Communication is an art form that has to be worked on consistently, because each of us understands things from our own filter of education, reference and experience. Communication is really not as easy as putting words to our thoughts. If we speak to a few people... each of them will understand a different version of what we said. It is clearly our responsibility - to ensure that we are understood properly.
How do we ENSURE that we are UNDERSTOOD?
Well... here are some ideas:
1. Speak Slow and clear
Many people speak fast, in the hope that they will not forget what they want to say. It may be a lot better to speak less... and be understood entirely, than to speak fast... and not be properly understood. Remember that the listener has to hear the message, and create a picture of what you are saying, before storing that picture away in our memory banks. Pausing adequately between phrases... and longer between sentences will make a world of difference to how you are understood.
2. Keep it Short and Simple
Use short words, monosyllabic if possible, and try to deliver short sentences too. The underlying principle should be LESS is MORE! In trying to impress others with big words and convoluted sentences, we often mess up the message entirely.
3. Have a Clear Message
Very often I find people speaking whatever comes to mind. They jump from one point to another... not having the faintest clue as to where they are... or where they are heading. If there is no clarity in the speaker's mind, how much clarity can there be in the listeners mind?
4. Use Holistic Delivery
Every message should be created using all the skills we have at our disposal. We should use:
5. Paraphrase to confirm
It would be so much simpler for relationships if the parties involved just took an extra minute or two to clarify what they actually meant. If you are the speaker, do take responsibility for how the message is received, even going to the extent of asking the listener what they heard. Maybe you could say "I hope I was able to clearly convey the message to you? If they answer in the affirmative, then you could ask for clarity by gently stating.... "Just to ensure that we understand each other, could you please tell me what you heard?"
The purpose of communicating is to convey what we have in our minds and to make a photocopy of that message in the mind/s of those we are speaking to. Lets work on the art of communicating effectively, because those who take the trouble to do so... gain more power... and they rise faster up the corporate ladder. Naturally they also have better relationships.
May your communication be better with each passing day, and may you always be understood.
Ian Faria.
While watching one of India's leading News Channels recently, I was appalled at the way the anchor was repeatedly heckling one of his guests on the channel. Whatever the guest said... the news anchor kept repeating his charge... almost trying to beat the guest into admitting some form of guilt. Expecting a TV News Anchor to listen effectively is normal. It is the anchor's professional role to establish exactly what is being stated. However, in real life, expecting ALL our listeners to understand every message is like expecting every cow to jump over the moon. It is never going to happen.
Are we then doomed to living a life where we take our chances on what our listeners hear?
Is it the responsibility of the speaker to ensure that his message reaches with little or no distortion?
Communication is an art form that has to be worked on consistently, because each of us understands things from our own filter of education, reference and experience. Communication is really not as easy as putting words to our thoughts. If we speak to a few people... each of them will understand a different version of what we said. It is clearly our responsibility - to ensure that we are understood properly.
How do we ENSURE that we are UNDERSTOOD?
Well... here are some ideas:
1. Speak Slow and clear
Many people speak fast, in the hope that they will not forget what they want to say. It may be a lot better to speak less... and be understood entirely, than to speak fast... and not be properly understood. Remember that the listener has to hear the message, and create a picture of what you are saying, before storing that picture away in our memory banks. Pausing adequately between phrases... and longer between sentences will make a world of difference to how you are understood.
2. Keep it Short and Simple
Use short words, monosyllabic if possible, and try to deliver short sentences too. The underlying principle should be LESS is MORE! In trying to impress others with big words and convoluted sentences, we often mess up the message entirely.
3. Have a Clear Message
Very often I find people speaking whatever comes to mind. They jump from one point to another... not having the faintest clue as to where they are... or where they are heading. If there is no clarity in the speaker's mind, how much clarity can there be in the listeners mind?
4. Use Holistic Delivery
Every message should be created using all the skills we have at our disposal. We should use:
- Voice to convey the mood
- Gestures and Body language add meaning to the words
- Eye contact and facial expressions add additional subtle cues as to what is being said.
- The message should flow from what the speakers know... to what you want them to know (fresh information or reinforcing something they already know).
5. Paraphrase to confirm
It would be so much simpler for relationships if the parties involved just took an extra minute or two to clarify what they actually meant. If you are the speaker, do take responsibility for how the message is received, even going to the extent of asking the listener what they heard. Maybe you could say "I hope I was able to clearly convey the message to you? If they answer in the affirmative, then you could ask for clarity by gently stating.... "Just to ensure that we understand each other, could you please tell me what you heard?"
The purpose of communicating is to convey what we have in our minds and to make a photocopy of that message in the mind/s of those we are speaking to. Lets work on the art of communicating effectively, because those who take the trouble to do so... gain more power... and they rise faster up the corporate ladder. Naturally they also have better relationships.
May your communication be better with each passing day, and may you always be understood.
Ian Faria.
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